So, yesterday I’m having a quick scanc (colloquial in Cork for 'look') at the paper, minding my own business, and I get to the gig review section, there's a review of a gig that was on, some guy did a tribute to John Coltrane, Aghhh!!!
No, I don’t want to hear about all this past tense stuff that I wanted to go and see, culturally, the gym is ruining me, albeit ruining me and making me look buff, so, there's a trade off to this new life 'style' switch.
Then, and only then I get to the review about Bill Bailey, I'm not much of a fan...yet. I haven't seen much of his stuff, I’ve heard people tell me how they love him, he's been on QI, yeah yeah, I haven't been 'turned on' to his humour, but what did catch my attention was the simple fact that the reviewer gave him 5 stars, five stars out of 5 stars.
Now, when I was a kid, or should I say, when I endured a child hood in Ireland, and was forced through the education system like a square going through a round hole, one of our teachers would give out stars for spelling tests and the like, I never got any, so Mr Bailey, now that I come to think about is beginning to remind me of some teachers pet, him and his 5 out of 5, just who the fuck does he think he is anyways?
This to me is unbelievable, for a guy that never got stars, apart from seeing stars once or twice and maybe waking up in a ditch in the middle of the night? Quite unbelievable, this is why I bought the ticket, there was me thinking he's Jesus after coming back (you know he said he would), or the anti-Christ?
So, curiosity killing the cat (animal lovers turn your heads away, both of them) I have to go and have a look and I can do this for the simple fact that the review was about a gig that he did, past tense, he was doing 2 further gigs in the future tense, last night, and tonight, still future tense!!
So I bought a ticket and the tension was relieved, I can go to the gym first, then go to the gig, they have a cloak room, my gym bag can go there, it's all about the gym these daze, I’m going for cheap, healthy kicks, totally legal and it works!
I started planning this yesterday, I enquired at my gym if it would be possible to leave my bad in the lockers provided,
'I know it's probably against rule 27 of your little red book, 'Bags cannot be left in the lockers over night'I don't think they got the Little red book bit?
Alas, 'No' was the reply, I was told
'The bag might go to the lost and found and auctioned'To which I replied
'That’s ok, I’ll have my credit card bill in it and you can auction that too'If blank looks could tell stories, another Twilight series would have been composed in those few seconds at that counter.