Thursday, 19 August 2010

Block the boat people from the South, Australia

Kieran was on a high after this gig

So, with all this talk of boat people, and stopping them, it seems to me they have it arse wards again, down under. Let me explain why.

Well, last week, I 'felt' sorry (not in love, which is worse?) for a New Zealander (Kiwi), lets just call this Kiwi 'Steve', because that’s his actual name, well anyways, I 'felt' sorry for this guy, I know him, he has cooked for me in the past, purely professionally, of course, no desert.

He's a chef, in 'real life', but the night I met him, just after the EPIC Slash gig, I was in rare form, flying form, doing my own after party I was on Brunswick St, him too, he was a bit pissed, but I wasn't in a very observant mood, in fact it was the night, I met the 2 crazies from Scotland he was associating with, one was very into me, I wasn't interested in her, she wasn't interested in him, yep, it was a bit like that and a lot of fun was had.

Well the somewhat 'hero' from New Zealand of the story, lost his wallet, lost his keys, and the Scottish chick sobered up , just enough to not let him go home with him, the lost cause would have had to sleep on the street, I had given him $10 to go home in a taxi too.
So his chat up line for a chick in Bar Open was 'Can I sleep on your couch?', she bailed and fast out of there, this was a sign to me, 'Hmm, there's something not right there?', maybe it was the country of origin syndrome?

I let him sleep on my couch, I awoke from slumber, he was gone, probably due to the fact I left my phone in the sitting room and my phone woke him up like what normally happens in time for me to go to work, so I eventually woke up and off I trot to my place of employment, and you'd think everything would be fine?

I put the sleeping bag he abandoned on the couch in the corner, off I went to work, after work, I went to 'A tribe called quest', came back Eminem was rapping with Jay Z on Letterman show, it was a fine summers day in Ney York and the memories were coming back, Jay-Z as always is rapping about money, '........and I got a million ways to make it'

Somehow, don's ask me, but I was thinking of the previous Kiwi tenant (albeit 'brief') occupancy of the couch and something made me laugh about how people pissed, piss themselves when they get pissed, maybe this is where the word comes from, was this a learning experience for me? 101 Etymologies from New Zealand?

What a perfect day, I was thinking, sitting on the couch, until I noticed (now Jay Z is in flying form rapping away on the roof of the Letterman show) my ass was getting wet and I look up, nope the ceiling isn't wet, so what could possibly be the problem?

Kieran jumps off the couch, Eminem jumps into life and is making Jay Z look like an amateur in an open mike night, he is tearing into life and telling the story of how he is a 'Renegade', he sure is too!!

So, I think 'If my housemate see's this, I am dead', how do you explain a drunk Kiwi to a nurse that doesn't take any bullshit? Worse, how do you explain feeling 'sorry' for a Kiwi?
So a clean up operation begins, I pull out the cushions to let them air and I hope to god that evaporation will do the trick, global warming do your stuff!!!

Boat people

Now (wanna be Prime minister) Tony Abbott, like George Bush believes in God and not only that, god and himself are good mates, doesn't believe in global warming, he does want to stop boat people. I on the other hand, believe in global warming and until now I couldn't have cared about boat people, if you can make it to Australia in a leaky boat, you've already proven your worth as far as I’m concerned and I would like to update this point of view, in light of my experience, maybe dampness and some people's wet (bad) dream, it was looking like mine.

Boat people, in other parts of the world

It looks like Virgin blue,  have taken the initive, were they reading my thought's? And now stopped flights to New Zealand, this is a very good thing, if you want to keep your couch dry and I would go one better, instead of trying to keep refugees from some of the poorest parts of the world, that just want a chance to live the Australian dream, let those people in. But keep out those couch (and maybe bed) wetters from the south. Keep them fellas out and I swear, your couch will stay dry, I swear.

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