weekly world news does not count!). For, I do not tell you what will happen, I could tell you where to go, diplomatically, of course, but past performance is a good indication of future performance and it's time I did a bit of performing, give me the lime light, here I go!
So, yesterday, I do what I always do, apart from going to Don Dons, my favourite place to eat in Melbourne, I went to the gym. After I pass the cute chick that’s always flirting with me, I was away, later I called the number in my phone, the one from the weekend of course, the name said 'Party', now there was me thinking it was probably a chick, but alas, it was a 'Kiwi Bro', the voice said, 'Hey Bro'.
A good opener you'd think, but not when you are expecting the voice of a chick, not what I wanted to hear at all those opening words, which would indicate to any rational person, that I met a person (male) from New Zealand, that had a party, quite funny, indeed.
Matt was telling me about an episode of 30 Rock, where Liz (the Lemon kind) wakes up and the number on the phone is 'Future husband', that is gold, I haven't seen that episode yet, but I will append it to my repertoire and use it I must! But I might tame it down a bit; I might add some chick as 'Possible girlfriend', hey! You have to try new things!
I told the chick at reception, 'I think I’m starting to like girls again' and walked off, that was funny too!!
So, a Tuesday meet up with a random chick that I couldn't remember meeting was out the window, but what was in clear view and in my cross hairs was the $10 steak night at the Dan, with a copy of the 'Mx Guide', chewing gum for the mind, while I wait, in anticipation, each big Mx story is probably less than 1 minute to consume and there are lots of random tid bits that you don’t need to know, which is perfect for a fella like me, when all you want to know is where's my steak!!
I get home, my house mates Naomi's dog Chester, is lonely waiting for her. He makes different sounding noises, one was a cat noise, the other was of sheep, which would surely speed her on her way, but how do you tell a dog, 'A watched kettle never boils?', when, the only thing he's interested in is eating or watching other's eat?
Chester the white poodle, does look like a little sheep, this is not the kind of thing you can tell your housemate, especially since she considers him her baby, and he plays the role only too well.
Fayez gave me a call, so off I went to meet him, and he tells me some interesting stuff too, like.....
Fayez is from the middle east, he's known to throw big parties, this is great, but, if the religious police found out or got wind of it, he would be lashed and as he put it.
'my life would be fucked for ever'Interesting?
A bit of a damper on a party I would say, his last party had 375 people, it went for days on some Island, but never fear, he's begun to hate the weekend in Melbourne, me too, it's always the same thing for him, get drunk, end up in Yah Yahs, or Pony, I concur, indeed, he wants to get out of the city on the weekends, I say.
'I'm going to a party on the weekend, come with me'Fayez has a van, he can sleep in that, it's a plan, it is on, nothing can fail.
10 minutes to Fayez birthday and like any male, once he's had a few, it's like his body is strapped to a wild animal, he spots 2 chicks by the fire, he wants to go talk, they don’t look like the social types, one looks like a mean, issue ridden, man hating, bright lipstick wearing bitch that would eat her offspring for a snack, but only in my opinion.
Now, picture the scene, the less aggressive chick goes to the toilet, Fayez says.
'What is your name?'Miss pit bull replies,
'I don’t think so'That is it, I had to laugh to myself and feel sorry for both of them, am I getting soft?
I call it a day, it was nearly 1am and get home and get plenty of Vegemite in, (the miracle food that replaces all the Vitamin B you lose through Alcohol) l and drink water and go to sleep. Case closed.