Saturday, 14 January 2012

David Sedaris, me and Tom Robbins

It's not a dogs life, it's a monkeys, i tell yea!!

So, i went to see David Sedaris last night, with Cassie...Wassie.

David did his gig, it was pretty good, my 2nd ever book readings, the first was Kinky Friedman.


After telling Cassie i would go and the tickets were bought by her, i read somewhere how stupid it was to go to a book reading to hear a book being read by an author, when you could do it yourself, alternatively we could have waited until the movie came out, anyways we went, here's my take...

After the gig, we left, i noticed some people queuing up outside the theatre for a book signing, i had my library book, so i stood in, I was 5th in the queue, until someone pointed out, 'the queue is that side' , so i switched and 5th place became 2nd place, hip hip hurrah!!

David came out and the book signing was on, so when it came my time i wiped my sweaty hand said hello and shook his hand, it just seemed like the right thing to do and i handed over the book i brought along, that was stamped 'Property of the city of Yarra', a book of the people, a library book!

Now, David wasn't as interested in meeting me, as i was of him, ok, that's ok, that's no biggie, any Brain-iack can tell you this was to be expected, he meet that many people, i'm just another guy!

Anyone that knows, that hangs out with famous people will tell you, what a disappointment it is, it's not worth it.

Phil Lynnott, being Irish felt like a pint of Guinness to this man
One of my friends was telling me how his mate met Phil Lynnot many years ago on Patricks st, Cork, the fan in question had every album, he didn't have a record player, that didn't matter, he was die hard, Phil was walking along the street with a chick, with ear phones on, which he took off, briefly, only to utter 'Fu*k off'. The guy was gutted, and Phil kept on walking, so you can see, the delima facing fans, is summed up nicely in that little antidote.

I told David Sedaris, if i saw him on the street i was going to say
'Hi, your my favorite author....Tom Robbins'
Tom Robbins

I got a puzzled look from him, obviously he was the star of the show, he was probably thinking how the hell was Tom Robbins stealing my lime light? Tom was probably asleep in Seattle at the time too!

David Sedaris didn't get it, maybe the funny guy pestle i put him on was a little bit too high, after all, David used to spend a lot of time being high, maybe the air in the room was a bit thin, it couldn't have been altitude?

I asked him if he could write what i wanted, i didn't expect it, maybe be he saw himself as the writer and it was 'Take it or leave it' writing?

What i wanted him to write...i wrote it out myself first, just to prove that the pen wouldn't explode!

My minder, don't leave home without one

He then asked me
David S: Who did you come with?
Me: My friend Cassie?
Are you allowed out at this hour by yourself?

Spider pants?

Then he said
David S: Are those spider web's in your pants?
Me: Huh?
David S: Where did you get them?
Did you dress yourself, or did your mummy dress you?

Maybe i wasn't on his level, it was looking more like the jeans were the hot topic and i hadn't worn them in 2 years

I was trying to think, yeah, yeah i got them in Malaysia?

The man reason i wore them was because i fixed the button, now they don't fall down and seem to have lost a bit of weight in the last few years, the new button has moved quite some distance, it was the last thing in the world i wanted to talk about

And then it was goodbye, the book signing production line, would have made Henry Ford proud.
So much for David Sedaris i though? Maybe i could have made the opener a bit more relative to the things in his life?

Like, one of his last stories in the reading was about how his computer got stolen in Hawaii, he lost a years work because he thought the usb flashing light was somehow backing up his files.

They made a show about tracking down crack heads in Hawaii

I could have pointed out, Hawaii s the crack head capital of the US of A, ask Dog the bounty hunter, some crack head got $50 for his laptop and a years worth of his writing and so far he hasn't made a cent off of me, with my library book's, am i worse than a crack head?

I really was ripping him off, what else was he to do, but show his distaste? I have read 'A brave new world' too recently, i should be all about consume, consume.
Buy, buy, then bye, bye, bye! 
Being pratical has no place in this consumer day and age!

It left me thinking, David Sedaris is a funny guy on paper and when he has about 6 months to edit and re-edit his stuff, nice going, but not exactly the kinda freestyle living, writing and talking i seem to favor. He might not have been too impressed with me not purchasing a book like all the other consumers, but does he know there's a recession on?

Maybe he's read it somewhere? It's not like he could hear whispers from the villa he resides in? Oh, dont make me laugh?

A man of the people?

Obviously i should have started off by telling him he was the greatest? But i didn't. But yesterday i was looking through some books and i saw one by Edward De Bono called 'Teach yourself to think' and then maybe i did?

I had a bit of a caprice, and then something happened, i saw the encounter in a different light.
Caprice = A sudden and unaccountable change of mood or behavior.
Obviously, he was on stage, he is the star of the show and as soon as he gets off, i tell him he might be 2nd rate, compared to Tom Robbins, but i thought everyone knows this? This should be normal for anyone!

But what he did was very good, now that i think about it? On stage and off stage, i got up-staged and now i'm laughing.

Some people believe when you meet someone it's because they are supposed to teach you something, when the student is ready, the teacher appears, i don't know if the chicken or the egg appeared on the scene first, but i certainly learned a lot form this brief encounter.
Dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit

He, obviously amused himself by confusing me with stupid questions, enough to be polite and move on to the next person in the queue, it was a master stroke. It took me a while to get it, but now i'm laughing and laughter is the beginning of wisdom.

As Tom Robbins would say,
'If you cant get any enlightenment out of a situation, you might as well get some laughs'

  I got the laughs, but only the next day

Now the question is, if i ever do meet Mr Tom Robbins, should i take it, or should i just say, or go watch some ducks in the park? Maybe the answere will be obvious to me?

Maybe i'd say...
'Tom, i bought the book, just sign it and let me go about my business for Fu$ck sake!'

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